my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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