he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
