I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
