PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
