that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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