i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
