Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think pants incapable of making pants work
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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