your parents love me but you hate me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
