There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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