So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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