how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
