absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Say something about gay babies.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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