The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
