Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
