i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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