You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
