Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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