Just cropdusted the office
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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