Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
