I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
