So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
