She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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