I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
