i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
