My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
