I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Every concussion has its silver lining
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
