Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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