Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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