if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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