nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
