alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
