so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
