Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
