cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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