You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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