i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
