There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
