dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
