i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
