WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
then he tried to convert me to islam
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
