Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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