You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
