It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
whose parrot is this?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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