Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
