I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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