I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
