Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
