Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
