All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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