i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
