We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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