That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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