no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
