ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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