The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
