and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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