Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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